An approach designed for couples who aren’t sure what is next. Are you at a crossroads of whether to stay in, separate, or work on your relationship? This is a difficult, complex, and weighty decision. Discernment Counseling can help you make the decision with confidence and clarity.
Let us help you decide within 5 sessions (or less).
Discernment Counseling
What is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment Counseling is a very specific, time limited approach to working with couples who are unsure what’s next in their relationship.
Do we continue our marriage as is?
Do we move towards separation or divorce?
Do we agree to work on our marriage in couples therapy?
These are the paths that Discernment Counseling helps couples to decide on.
Discernment Counseling is NOT couples therapy.
Some couples are not ready to begin the long term commitment of couples therapy and that is completely normal. We don’t want you to waste time and money on a process that you aren’t even sure you want to participate in. Or maybe you have participated in couples therapy and found it to be ineffective for you and are wondering why.
In Discernment Counseling, there is no treatment, we don’t dive deeply into your histories, we don’t work on communication skills, and we don’t pressure you to make a long term commitment in any one direction.
What Discernment Counseling is NOT?
What is the Goal of Discernment Counseling?
To help couples gain clarity and confidence about the direction of their relationship, based on a deeper understanding of what's happened in their marriage and each person's contributions to its problems.
At the conclusion of your Discernment Counseling work, the goal is for each couple to use their newfound clarity to confidently decide on one of the three paths mentioned above.
Who is Discernment Counseling For?
The model was developed by William J. Doherty, Ph.D. to specifically help “mixed agenda” couples discern how to proceed with clarity and confidence when their relationship is stuck.
A mixed agenda couple involves one partner who is “Leaning Out” of the relationship and one partner who is “Leaning In” the relationship. Alternatively, both partners may feel exhausted and uncertain of their next step.
Leaning Out may look like:
Ambivalence about staying in or leaving the relationship.
Seriously considering separation or divorce, but experiencing doubt about the decision.
Lacking the energy, motivation, or desire for true couples therapy work.
Feeling hopeless that couples therapy will be effective.
Experiencing both a desire to leave the relationship and worry or guilt about how this might impact your partner, children, or other important people in your life.
Leaning In may look like:
A desire for the relationship survive the current and past difficulties that you are facing.
A sense of hope to save your relationship.
Motivation to work on the relationship.
Feeling anxious or desperate at the thought of your relationship ending.
A willingness to build awareness of your partner’s pain.
A sense of responsibility or strong belief that sustaining the relationship is important.
These opposing positions can lead to stagnation and decision paralysis, which can be fertile ground for resentment to develop.
What is the Discernment Counseling Process?
Initial Outreach:
Typically one or both partners will reach out and express interest in the Discernment Counseling process. A brief eligibility assessment will be conducted via email.
Video Screening Calls:
If eligible, both partners will participate in individual screening interviews (duration 20-30min.). The goal of these interviews is to ensure both partners understand what Discernment Counseling is (and isn’t) and to gather important context that will inform the Discernment Counseling process.
Please note that it is required that each partner schedule their own individual interview. Scheduling for one another is not permitted.
Discernment Counseling Sessions:
Following these video interviews, both partners will attend between 1 and 5 sessions of Discernment Counseling (1.5-2hrs in duration).
Each session will be a combination of time spent jointly working together and time one-on-one with the discernment counselor.
During the session, we will examine interactional patterns, increase insight, and identify points of potential change that each partner could make to work on the dynamic. We will also assess willingness for change considering all factors.
At the conclusion of each session, both partners will be asked if they have come to a decision about which path they would like to take.
If uncertainty remains, the partners will each decide whether or not they would be willing to attend another session.
The Discernment Counseling process ends when the couple has come to a decision about how to proceed moving forward or we reach the maximum of 5 sessions.
Conclusion of Discernment Counseling:
Couples will follow the path that they have jointly chosen for their relationship. If they have chosen to continue the relationship, as is, no additional work is needed. If they have made the decision to separate or divorce or to commit to working on the relationship, referrals will be discussed.
What is the Investment in Discernment Counseling?
The cost of Discernment Counseling is $450 per session (90-120 minutes in duration).
There is no set number of sessions and each partner gets to decide at the end of each session if they would like to schedule another. The maximum number of Discernment Counseling sessions that a couple can attend is 5.
There is no psychotherapeutic treatment or diagnostics involved in Discernment Counseling, thus this is a service that is not billable to insurance.
